If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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