I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
