i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
