Got a toothbrush?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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