I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
