Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
