i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
