Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
