...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
