listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
