Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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