Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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