i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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