I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
