and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
