I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
