: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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