I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
