the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
