im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize