Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
