I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
