My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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