Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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