my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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