I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We need a shit load of segways right now
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
