real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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