You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
