My brain says no but my pants say off.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize