I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
