we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
