Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
