Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
