U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
