I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
