I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
