Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You dont lie about slip and slides
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
