She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
