seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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