So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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