he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
