the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
