Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
