The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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