dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
