Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
