bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
