I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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