Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I smell like Dick and happiness
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
