@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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