Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
