Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
