so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
