Will you blow on my dice?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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