Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
