cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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