K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
