U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
