where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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