Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
