I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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