sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Randomize
