everyone is single if you try hard enough
someone owes me an orgasm
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize