i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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