Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
