You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
