I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
