I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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