Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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