I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
