Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
