it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize