i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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