i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Can I color on your dick again?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
