Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I have already put on my inside pants.
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