So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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