I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
