It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I love you. Go after that dick
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
