im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
