I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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