I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i will never coherently bang her
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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